The Meeting
12/20/2003 12:51 AM
Sometimes out of the blue you meet someone who brings laughter and smiles back into your life. It makes you feel real good inside that these souls still exist. That special person can make you feel happy when it's really needed.
The Realization
1/21/2004 11:05 AM
Love tends to sneak up on you when you least expect it. By the time you realize it's upon you, it's too late to push aside.
Let it grow and hope this time it'll remain precious and your heart unbroken. Let love flow through every vein in your essence, let it consume your every breath. True love only comes once in forever. This must be it.
The Betrayal
4/2/2004 1:30 PM
It was never intended to betray.
Only to be the best for you.
To make you happier than before.
So I studied to see who made ya smile.
Studied all you called your friends.
Hoping to be like them to make you laugh like they.
Watching you give them hugs while I got none.
Lot of things I should have said but fear took over.
Afraid of anger at words spoken from only feelings.
When only feelings were told.
The intentions were only to make you happier.
The actions; however, I admit were wrong.
I hope to make it right, to change what's wrong.
My fears should have been revealed to you.
Instead of hidden away from you.
I hope it can be as it was before it came to this.
I wanted special moments of just 2 and not crowds.
4/2/2004 11:45 AM
I hate hiding behind a face not mine.
If it works to return my heart then I'll take the challenge.
The only thing that can't hide is the look in my eyes when I think of you.
I pray I'm able to fix what is broke.
I don't know how long I can keep this up hopefully long enough for it to work.
Love seems so difficult at times.
I will sit silently and cry my tears.
The Task
4/11/2004 7:14 PM
There's just too much to deal with today.
It's all one sided. Everything falls on me.
I still have no idea where to begin.
From the beginning? That's not possible when your feelings are this strong.
You can't pretend this hasn't happened.
Trying to figure out what to do just isn't easy.
I only know the end is here for me.
I won't start over but continue on from here.
I'll wait as long as it takes to make things right.
But will I continue to be blocked from succeeding?
The longest wait was 10 years.
I hope I don't have to wait that long again.
Perhaps I'll give myself my own time frame.
Yet I won't reveal that here.
I will win when I put my mind to something.
Who knows what will work and what will not.
4/23/2004 10:04 AM
Why is it so hard to wait? This is tearing me all apart.
I'm slowly disappearing into the darkest reaches of the universe.
It's a death of sorts that comes upon me.
Will I ever be revived? How long must I wait?
Fear of the unknown is getting to me.
I can't escape from this.
Never before have I felt this kind of pain.
I only hope for a miracle that I seek.
Time is all I have left.
Patiently waiting for the one true love.
Hard enough but must be done.
I just hope this isn't the end. I simply can't bear the thought.
Missing pieces
5/06/2004
There's a huge piece of my heart missing and my soul is without life.
You took those with you when you went away.
There's a hole where my life had been.
That piece is also in your care.
I've lost the one thing that really made me whole.
Praying each night it will find it's way back.
To repair the damage that's been caused.
There's still time, of this I know.
But how much longer will I suffer?
God above only knows. I hope he carries me through this.
Without your love I'm a useless wasteland.
I can't even function like before.
Will I ever recover from this missing heart?
Only God and time can answer that.
I dream for patience that I must learn.
The key to the repair lies within.
So here I say this little prayer...
~*Lord, grant me the patience to endure this trial,
this test of devotion that is my calling. Help me to
learn this gentle gift that I may find true love returned.
I give my heart into your hands, my soul as well is given
thee. Thank thee all for thy care of me as this journey,
I must make.~*
11/9/2004 4:50 AM
Tears hidden behind these eyes,
Silently grieving as if life's end is near.
Hurting like never before,
Never again will my heart know happiness.
It's death growing closer with each passing day.
No more will love be given to another.
No more strong arms braced in a hug.
Hugs become less meaningful.
Smiles become faked.
Laughter will only be a fleeting moment.
It too will be short lived.
This heart dies a little more with each memory.
This soul hurts more with each dying beat.
Soon both will be replaced with an unhappy shell.
A gift of love given freely, totally and without judgement is now only shuttered forever.
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