Failure:

When all else fails, why try to fight? A question I've asked myself on countless occasions. Do I just give up trying or do I keep fighting? Sometimes I feel like a failure, wanting to just give up. Wanting to just exist and not give a care about anything. However, somehow, deep inside I can never fully stop. I keep fighting in some form or another just to survive. I constantly ask myself why, yet, I don't stop the fight. It's almost as if some deep hidden force won't let me give up. I've spent countless hours trying to ask this question. Never fully coming up with an answer I'm happy with. Is it a higher power that keeps me going or is there more to it. True, GOD should be good enough reason to continue on fighting. I don't believe, however, that it's the only reason. There are other forces at play here. What forces? I can only guess. Perhaps its the power of family or friends who'd be upset with me. Perhaps it is that one special someone who gives me hidden strength.   (He knows who he is, at least I hope he does).  It's an answer I seek but I don't think I'll ever really find. I've had my really dispairing days where I do want to give up. Somehow I still manage to go to sleep and wake up again the next day! I just don't understand why or how I survive all this... I just know there's some hidden purpose out there.   Maybe one day I'll finally have the answers to this... Until then, I'll just do my best and trying to survive. Even if I always feel like I'm a failure at living...   To be continued... maybe not this year or the next, but someday!